You Are The First

~You Are The First~

Friday, October 4, 2013 at 11:43pm PDT
You are the first person who has thanked me for who I am.

Friday, October 4, 2013 at 11:43pm PDT
Goodnight Nat … thanks for being you and for doing what you do.
Maybe part of your healing is being seen.
It doesn’t surprise me.
Most have no idea what you are doing.

Friday, October 4, 2013 at 11:45pm PDT
Only the ones in rescue know.

Friday, October 4, 2013 at 11:46pm PDT
So fucking thanks…
for all you fucking do…
to help people who’ve fucked up…
even when you’re fucked.
And you’re right.
Everything is funnier with fuck in it.

Friday, October 4, 2013 at 11:47pm PDT
I cannot write how this makes me feel
It is beyond me
Thank You.

Friday, October 4, 2013 at 11:48pm PDT
No thanks needed.
Anything I can do to help carry the load…
I will try.

Friday, October 4, 2013 at 11:49pm PDT
I dislike saying goodnight & goodbye to you…
more so than I have anyone ever…
I think.

Friday, October 4, 2013 at 11:49pm PDT
And I want you to be able to come to me and say…”Sit down. Shut up. Quit thinking about anything else. I need you to hear me”.
And I will.

~nj~

~Resistance~

Your antagonistic
Resistance
Of my catalystic
Insistence
To understand
How you can
Still fight
Your own light
Now dimly bright
In the night
Your wandering
Is squandering
The severity
Of any clarity
Required
To make you tired

Enough…

To rebuff
The stuff
That cripples you
And Ripples through
Your sanity
Drowning you in vanity
Raving
Your craving
To be
Mysterious…

Behaving
Defiantly
Your souls anxiety
Seeps through
All you do
To those like me
Who truly see
The travesty
Of your irrelevancy
We find some peace
A Universal release
That the light gave up
The darkness too
Loudly Quiet
That is you

~nj

~Sedona~

Go play
Somewhere
To connect
And see
This BeIsBe
Of we
Said sheS

edona
Spoke
I followed
The voice
I had no choice
But to make
You know
You had to goSuch conflict AroseYou suppose
Your receipt
Of deceit
Cashed in?Finally?
So timely
Arose
The facing of
The embracing of
The tables
Of labels
You never let go ofIn actions
Your Words are
Distractions
You preach
And reach
Blinded boys
With all of
your noise
They follow
And swallow
Your ego
Like a mosquito
You suck
The light
You fight
To claim
Then blame
Me
Because
I
See
The starkness
Of your darkness
As catharsis
Regardless
Of how addicted
To conflicted
You are
I have the
Regimen
Of magical
Medicine
You dont want to take
Because it will make
You go to
a place
To face
The scar
Of who
You are
Versus
Who you
Are choosing
To be. ~nj

~Dirt of Your Earth~

~Dirt of Your Earth~


The taste
Of salty sweet
Beneath
my barefoot feet
Lingers
My fingers
Claw
the raw
Ground
Around me
Made wet
From the sweat
That drips down
From the lips
Of the crown
Of the man
Whose blood
Makes this mud…
And I cover my skin
With the yang to my yin
With the dirt of his earth
I feel his rebirth
And I’ve never felt so clean.

~nj

And do you believe I honor and understand how you experience?

11/09/2018 

08:27:30 PM

And do you believe I honor and understand how you experience?

How could you not?

So yes you do?

I’m asking if you believe I honor and understand how you experience, not if I am capable or able or do

I’d like to know if you believe I honor and understand your experience. 

Maybe you don’t. Id like to know how its experienced by you. I think it’s a pretty simple straight forward question? Wont require but a few seconds of your time? 

I am saying that you will recognize all truth, and I believe your voice will be the same voice as all truth and like two Rivers combine the same, your Nolan, the deeper knowing, is the same bacon as my own, and I bring to the table nothing that you do not already know. We all are awakening do something different so just Steve as we awaken we are Diane into ourselves and recognizing that all of our titles and trophies must be turned in, as a new song is about to be song, which is the same tune that has

Been happening already, we are the effect of the cause!!

It’s about recognition not cognition. You are intuitive enough to recognize that same voice. In essence you and I are harmonizing the same notes.

So no. 

I respect your speaking your truth. I have turned down my intuition towards you to allow you to offer what you wish, without my energy influencing or reading for you.

 I’ll honor and respect whatever you bring to that space as your truth. Thank you

Yes or no sooo much less time and effort silly lol

Haaaa we both will know- not know… as we recognize..

I’m not concerned with the energy of how the collective experiences. If that is how you experience if I honor and understand the way you experience, I respect your answer

Your deeper knowing your sub vocal will be your beacon. Combined with your heart and your head knowledge as an aid.

I just would like relief from reading the energy between the lines yet again

I c

I probably crossed a line there. Well fuck. Didnt mean to. It’s ok. I honor how you experience, and if that’s your expression of, I honor that. I’m not concerned about the collective when I ask you questions 

 Use your own voice please

 There are plenty who speak on behalf of the collective. I’m not asking them

 Speak for you.

 Sorry if I pissed you off. 

I just got out of the shower and I’ve read your text, no you have not triggered anything inside me. I do not speak for OTR in behalf of the collective voice as I have entered in my small wave and I’ll flow with the collective, and the collective is the good news, the good word, and it is hallelujah the familiar tune. So they are not my words, they are a new tongue and a new tool as a means of expression.

That’s why I indicate outfront lose my words they are a delivery vehicle to deliver a message, and seek four

The familiar tune and the essence and the manner of its delivery.

So I should have said something like I honor and understand the small wave you’ve entered,  how you experience the flow of the collective, that you experience that as good news and say hallelujah to celebrate how you you recognize the experience of a familiar tune and the words you choose to deliver that message are reflective of your experience of that, do you believe me?

 Glad I didnt piss you off.

 Hopefully that makes what I’m asking more clear. Sorry if it’s a loaded or convoluted question 

I would say you are now spot on, dismissing that I owned them.

Thanks 

 Ok. I didn’t realize I needed to be so specific. I’m sorry. So do you believe I honor and understand your experience if phrased that way?

It follows to a resignation 

It’s ok. I appreciate your responses. I dont want to make what I’m asking any more complicated. I hope you do. My apologies if I did not phrase the intention of my question in a way that would feel comfortable with a yes or no response. I honor and understand that is how you experience, if you believe if I honor and understand your experience. 

You have been reverential to me, and that difference as to what I am not mutates a different perspective than and  the recognizing of such allows the same voice to continue

Honoring His Experience

What you do not realize, is that you are incredibly powerful soul, yet your power does not exist in the way you cling to. You want to be a missionary, yet eyes roll when you spout your word salad nonsense spiritual messages. It’s not that they dont have ears to hear, it’s that you dont have a voice to speak.

You are addicted to power, to applause, to control, and you collect people around you that you think need your resources. Once they are dependent on you in some way, you begin to preach, believing that your message of enlightenment is why these people have come to you. Your word salad nonsense is what they have to put up with, in order to continue to get what they need from you.

That’s why you are an Instagram whore, and why you seek out texting relationships with people, and believe both are validations of your spiritual superiority or equality.

The fact that you are a rich man, allows for the opportunity for you to collect people, and for you to behave as you do with little to no consequence. If you were a poor man? No one would pay any attention to you and your world salad nonsense. They put up with it because you have resources they need, it’s as simple as that.

You dress up in a peter pan costume, because it is the only way other than your money, that people are drawn to you. And you make the assumption that they are drawn to you so you can guide them into awareness. I’m sorry Cory, but they are absolutely not drawn to you because of your preach. They put up with it to get what they need or what you offer them resource wise.

Your gifts are incredibly powerful, but you are trying to be what you are not. There are times you step into your true nature, but most of the time you are trying to recruit lost needy souls who need a spiritual guru hero, and forcing them to listen to word salad spiritual fake ass nonsense. They put up with it because they want something from you, or feel sorry for you. Instagram included.

And whatever spiritual kingdom you are trying to build, will attract those whose energy resonates with you….ie people who are in need of your resources, or people who nod thier heads at a 5 intuitions word salad lecture and tell you how you have such an amazing way with words.

You are so concerned with pointing fingers, that you dont point any fingers at yourself. You are a very angry, lonely, confused, rich man, who hates anyone and anything that does not agree with your presentation of new age enlightenment spirituality.


You both crave and fear attention, affection, and authentic loving relationships. That’s why on one hand, you dress up as peter Pan as a way to draw people to you out of curiosity. Yet on the other hand, you practice a regimen of little to no personal hygiene, so as to have some kind of barrier so no one gets too close.

How sad is that?

Spiritual awakening is not a contest. Spiritual awareness is a honoring how each and every soul experiences. Spiritual awakening requires authenticity, vulnerability, curiosity, humility, and a kind of sacred reverence to the awakening experience. You radiate an energy very different from that.

“I honor how you experience” is an insult you, because “I agree with how you experience (because it is the same way as me) is what you are demanding to hear. I dont agree with how you are experiencing, but I do honor it.

It breaks my heart that you cannot see this. I send you nothing but light and love in your darkness, and I hope you find your way out.

Sincerely I do.

Much love to you always.

~nj

~Painting Rocks~

Eyes close
Silent sound
Toes touch
Upon the ground
Breath in…
Breath out…
Parted lips
Wetness drips
Salty sweet fingertips
Drip drops
Paint the rocks
Brought to life
With a karmic knife
And If you’re alive?
I gotta be dead
No shades that color
Inside “this  head.

~nj

~Divine Feminine~

Her hips
She slips
And swaysAware of
The rhythm
And gaze
Of all around
They stare
Unaware
She’s aware
OfThe sound
Of energy
The taste
Of synergy
Inwardly she goes
Outwardly she knows
The definition
Of intuition
The recognition
Of coalition
The inquisition
Of premonition
With precision
Of vision
She finds the flow
Of all who know
And there she
finds her beat

Sweetly swaying
Hear her saying
Come now
I allow
All of you
Join me
And pursue
The feeling
Of dealing
For healing

Peeling gently
She finds entry
And
Begins her dance
Of this romance
Of you
Of her
Of light
Of dark
Of all connection
And with affection
The pure intention
Of you
Of her
Of light
Of dark
Freely flowing
She honors knowing
Who she was
Who she is
Who she will become
And proudly
Loudly
Warmly
Softly
She honors
In time
The shine
Of divine
Light
For who you were
Who you are
And who you
will become.

~nj

~I lead, you follow~

To You:
This conversation helps open the wound so I can heal. Thank you.

To Me:
Yes and are parallel is an awakening, a rebirth, a new earth. And our alignment gave us both what we desired along with what we did not know. And both of them are a beautiful experience. And thought my life situation does not parallel yours, we still have the same connection, and can still share what we have in this life and all other expressions.

And I know you already know it, I have been dating others, and so I share other expressions, and choose. I do not have to hide anything from anyone as what I am currently doing.
With a desire to have friends that are women and men who all share the same tribal setting, and just experience everybody’s talents and experience everybody’s expressions that resonate.

To You:
Your experience and reference of, is very different than mine, and that’s ok. Thank you for being honest 🙂
Fingers crossed, one day the connection will align as it is designed. That’s divine timing I have no desire or ability to know. I’ve given you the lessons you would be open to receive, and I’m very thankful we tackled that one! That lays the groundwork for you to continue how you experience, so you may be referential when divine timing says it’s time for lesson 2 🙂

To Me:
Thanks ma’am.
May I fall as hard as I understand my gift is referential as to what most ain’t, thus my reference gives others a starting point of alignment. So as I sing and my light shines, it becomes offensive to most which is the egotistical pattern that needs to die before we die, if that is the pivotal moment we are on as my pass cross with the universal alignments.
So my happy becomes the Sting to the ego as my light is referential of where I just came from which is the dark. And the dark does not want to be lit up thus becoming offensive to things linear in life.

To You:
I hope one day you’ll have the ears to hear. I’m working on my teaching skills!!!

To Me:
You were not my starting point of alignment

To You:
How do you think your connection to me was helpful in my enlightenment journey?
I know I was not… just a parallel/ you were there before I came out
What were you then?

To Me:
I hurt you/ And it brought up things that you recognized we’re not there prior, so are referencing allowed you to clear out whatever it is you are clearing out, or being emptied, so a fuller than can be more fully present. But only you know your own and what our alignment meant to you.

To You:
You only realized that last night because I told you. Before I told you that, what did you think you were to me

To Me:
Your incorrect on the last..
But if it’s your story “? I cant argue. That’s not my in me now.

To You:
So it was me just thanking you for what you already knew. Ok. I wasnt aware of that 🙂

To Me:
If you recall in the beginning when we hooked up, I believe I was expressing then the same. But I could be wrong. And last night your words were other than, point of perspective, and now blending, it becomes.

To You:
I never was aware that you were aware of by wounding me, I was to heal myself.

To Me:
And the other point of perspective, was just the delivery message. The message has been the same all along

To You:
Im sorry. I dont understand what you mean
What message are you referencing

To Me:
you have been falling upward. I have been falling upward. But parallel we went down somewhere in between the same, and somewhere in the Landing and the mingling in the recognition we both at some point we’re being pulled from Dis-order now through to re-order. Or are you just were ahead of me all along the way, and was allowed to wait for me to experience our alignment.
Or vice versa.

To You:
So you feel we are aligned, that finally we have reached the same level of something?
So one of us either went up or down, to create this point of alignment you are referencing, and now that the point has been reached, we are aligned? It’s ok. We can talk about this another time when the energy is different.
Thank you for shifting the giving energy of the necklace. The energy was shifted to warm and open by the giver, so the receiver accepts it under those terms. I do not wear it to honor anything that was. I could not wear it with that energy. I wear it with the energy under which the giver gave. Perhaps that will allow me to manifest more of the warm and light kind of energy in our connection

To Me:
Yes there will be another time to vocal. The necklace was conducive.

To You:
The Universe Spirit is guiding me to say…of all of the women you have hurt, how many of them have said ‘thank you. You cutting me open, and letting me bleed, allowed me to see a wound I thought wasnt there. And because of the opening, and bleeding, I was given a chance to try and heal.’

To Me:
Yes you are correct. And to answer your question no one yet. You’ll be in the fist to experience my referencing.

To You:
I have no energy bound to you dating or sleeping with other women. I encouraged you to do so, and stated that many times. So you can experience learn and grow. I am not trying to get you to date me, or sleep with me, or do anything with me. You’re freedom allows you to do whatever you want with whoever you want, as does mine. I think you are lovely. I love you muchly. And I allow you the freedom to experience me as you choose. I hope I navigate that choice in a way that is beneficial to you.
I love the energy of being with you in your space
Please let me know when you’re energy is warm and open, and invite me back in.

I love you in a way you dont understand…yet…lol
Sometimes I dont either…lol
Enjoy your foods!!! And your creating cool stuff night! It sounds lovely 🙂

To Me:
As you can historically see recently our reconnection is what it is what it is what it is presently.
Without any titles. And I believe you when you say your words.

To You:
Sending warmest love openness and light 😉
I honor how who why where you choose to experience. Because I honor you. Search until you find what it is you are looking for. Next lesson…lol…kidding…I’d like to share with you more. To help you see and hear. I will no longer teach you unless I’m invited to do so. That keeps the energy warm. Thats how you learn. I love you.
Stay close
Stay warm
Stay open
Stay naked
Stay light.

To Me:
Equal to you.

~Cought You~

Catch me.
If you can
Yes youre the man
With the hat
Imagine that!

Look at
Away from me.
The vanity
Of your Insanity!
Its profanity
Is your humanity!
As you tick tock
Enjoying your cock
While you mock
Other than
Either or
Neither nor
Keeping score?
What for?

The metaphor?
I adore
The mystery?
I explore
As allowed
Outloud
My inner voice
Speaks to you
Your inner voice
Speaks to me
Silently sometimes
violently sometimes
Defiantly sometimes
Righteously sometimes
Delightfully sometimes
Your paradigm shifting
Your masquerade lifting
Your inner being gifting
The witness of
The source above
Expressing how
You experience now
And as I watch
Your tick tock
I come to know
Where you go

Feeling safety
Call me crazy
But what I see
Is what I feel
And in this space
You reveal
And with this grace
I see you kneel
As you are
With your scar
You Open Quietly
You focus entirely
On here and now
Unaware
Of the prayer
I recognized
Mesmerized…
The way you be?
And how you see?
Beautiful
It is
To me.

~nj