~Almost~

I nearly missed
The leaves this year
Thier colors falling
Thier cycles calling
For me
To pay attention
To my apprehension
Of seasons
Revealing
The bittersweet
healing
That comes
With the frost
When all seems lost
The suffering cost
Reveals to me
The sacred reminder
Of this valiant fighter
Who walks amongst
The light
“Do not forsake
Even when
you break
Wide Open and
Frozen in awe
You withdraw”
I shake my head
For I am aware
Of this thred weaving
The deep believing
Of lesson once learned
Until feeling the burn
Of inattention
Then intervention
Felt painfully raw
In the winter withdraw
Now clearly i see
You will forever be
Blinded by darkness
Not worth the fight
For defeat is unknown
To a warrior of the light

~nj

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~Oh My! Narcissistic Word Salad~

Well this explains the words. I’d forgotten about word salad! I needed to be reminded of this tactic lesson.

Thank You Universe for the refresher.

~Your Messenger nj

~Ying Yang Sick~

Wanted
Taunted
Haunted
Wandering
Pondering
Squandering
Potential
For credential
Existential
Mocking
Knocking
Interlocking
Fearing
Hearing
Whats
Shouting
Out
In front
Of
Me.

Poisoned
Purples
Dance
With me
They
Flow
With me
They
Call To
me

Rhythms of
In…
And out…
And
in…
And out…

Slowly
Softly
Slipery
sanity
Easing
Pleasing
Coming
Ecstasy
Hollow
I swallow
The Wax
And the
Wane of
Pleasure
Of
Pain
Of
Craving
The rain
To wash
The stain
Of what
ying
And yang
Remains.

Its stick

Is making

me sick.

~nj

Searched My Soul Today… Here is What I Found.

Searched My Soul Today…

Here is What I Found.

1. Be mindful of those who are drawn to “parts” of you that are useful to them, while dismissing “parts” of you that no longer provide them with a means to a self serving purpose. Be mindful that the acceptance of others is often always conditional, under the disguise that it is not.

2. Be mindful of your own suffering, and those who are drawn to you with offers to alleviate this suffering in some way. Be mindful of the space in which you have found yourself, which leads you to accept a perceived genuine act of kindness from another. Be mindful that the helping hand on the part of a stranger, is far too often, more genuine than the helping hand of one you may have considered a friend.

3. Be mindful of those with whom you share…others will not have the courage to find compassion for your pain…and be brave enough to just “stay” with you in this space. Most will turn away from you. Others will focus on finding a way “fix it” as a means to make the feeling of having to share in your pain go away. Others will seek to turn your pain into a dynamic of power, of control, with the self serving purpose of removing the mirror that brings to their awareness, the soul they have been terrified to see.

4. Be mindful of those who seek to discredit your intentions and your character. This says far more about their intentions and their character, than it does about yours.

5. Be mindful of those who envy your connections and your relationships with others. Those who truly understand and value the gifts you have shared with them, believe in the goodness and purpose, of sharing these gifts with others.

6. Be mindful of those who choose to expend their time and energy building an army of followers around them, with the sole purpose of creating an army behind them, to fight their own self serving, unjust and unfair war.

7. Be mindful that there are those who want nothing more than to see you fail, and will find justification in adding to your struggle. This is the way of the coward, and is based on insecurity and fear.

8. Be mindful of those who offer of themselves, when it seems that you have nothing to offer them in return. There are very few souls with the awareness, courage, and compassion, required to genuinely give of oneself in this manner. Be mindful that these genuine souls…do and always will exist…be one…and you shall find one.

9. Be mindful of those who stay…who share your space of pain…who find compassion in your struggle…who accept all of you, not parts of you…who offer a helping hand…who want to listen and understand your story…who believe your journey is your own and honor it…who will face your fears along side you…instead of walking away and watching you face them alone. Who will fight for you when you are wounded…who value your willingness to share your gifts with them, and believe these gifts are to be shared with the world…those who are fearless enough, those who are loving enough, those who are aware enough, to take your hand and walk with you, because they now what it is like to find yourself, traveling a journey alone.

~nj~

~All In Due Time~

I know

The flow

I will expose

I suppose

The truth

All in due time.

~About Her~

She sits
Crosslegged
In the sunshine
Like a sunflower
Leaning
breathing
Absorbing
The warm
Nurturing
Light

She runs
And rides
And skips
Along
Softly
Dancing
Gently
Glancing
In the wonder
Of her light

Blooming
Bright
Looming
The night
She feels
The light
Slipping slowly
Into lonely
Asking why
Is light
A lie?

She sits crosslegged
In the night
Like a sunflower
Closing
Posing
Exposing
The fear
That light
In the night
Wont appear
Perservere?
Yes.
She does.
Crosslegged.
Like a sunflower
In the night.
She stays
until
The light.
~nj

~Light~

Fall into it
Change color
Discover
A different way
To say
The light
Is my way.

~nj

~My Kind Of Love~

My kind of love
Loves you
As a human being

As a man
As a father
As a son

As a partner
As an equal
As a lover
As a friend
As a foe

As a sinner
As a saint
As an artist
As an Ego

In your darkness
And in your light.
My kind of love
Loves you.

As aware
As you are
As aware
As you are not.

I love.
It.
All.

I love
Apart
From
Anything
You
Love

Or
Hate

Or
doubt

Or
Believe

Or think…

About me.

Good
Or
Bad

Right
Or
Wrong

Either
Or

True
Or
False

Dark
Or
Light

None
of
It.

None
of
Any
of
It

Sways
Me to
Love you…

Any
Differently
Or
Any less.

I
Go
With the
Flow
Of you
Swinging up

I
Go
With the
Flow
Of you
Coming
Down.

I love
Your
Ebb
And
Flow.

So when
I know
It is time
to go
I kiss
your hand
My lost
blind man
And send you
on your way

With love and light
I fought your fight

With love
My love

Your Idigo.

Universally Yours,
Nj

~I’ll Remove Your Disguise~

I’ll remove
Your disguise
I’ll devise
The demise
Of the lies
In your eyes
One
By
One
You’ll come
Undone
Unraveling
Abandoning
Battling
Grappling
With who
You really
Are.

~Moments~

September 26, 2013

10:43pm

I felt like you stopped believing in me.

And told me that, because it was

what you knew I needed to hear.

And I think feeling like the one person

that I really believed believed in me…

no longer did…

planted the seed

of my own

failure

in my head.

It’s how I felt…

not how you wanted me to feel.

I don’t think you realized

what would have helped

and what would not.

My life as it is now…

took a long time to come to light.

I KNEW something was out there….

but proof of that would never be seen by you.

never be seen by you.

And my process of getting there…

The process of getting to “THIS” moment…

“THIS” moment…

would be viewed as invalid.

And was.

And once again…

like I always do…

I held on to believing in myself….

Having faith in myself…

Trusting myself…

because no one else did.

I honored my own process…

Instead of following

how others thought

that process should go.

You seem to believe

there is a difference between

believing in someone…

and believing in their process.

For me there is no difference

My process is what createsthis moment.

createsthis moment.

My process is why I am alone.

And why being alone…

is a price I’m willing to pay.

Everyone walks out of my life

when I honor my own path.

Well almost everyone.

And yet honoring my own path…

always gets me where I need to go.

10:54pm

Difference?

Difference of believing IN someone…

and agreeing or believing…

that they are doing the right thing at the moment.

right thing at the moment.
10:55pm

When you TRULY believe in someone…

in someone…

you understand the relevance of their moments.

relevance of their moments.

Honoring your own process…

is all about moments.

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