~Divine Feminine~

Her hips
She slips
And swaysAware of
The rhythm
And gaze
Of all around
They stare
Unaware
She’s aware
OfThe sound
Of energy
The taste
Of synergy
Inwardly she goes
Outwardly she knows
The definition
Of intuition
The recognition
Of coalition
The inquisition
Of premonition
With precision
Of vision
She finds the flow
Of all who know
And there she
finds her beat

Sweetly swaying
Hear her saying
Come now
I allow
All of you
Join me
And pursue
The feeling
Of dealing
For healing

Peeling gently
She finds entry
And
Begins her dance
Of this romance
Of you
Of her
Of light
Of dark
Of all connection
And with affection
The pure intention
Of you
Of her
Of light
Of dark
Freely flowing
She honors knowing
Who she was
Who she is
Who she will become
And proudly
Loudly
Warmly
Softly
She honors
In time
The shine
Of divine
Light
For who you were
Who you are
And who you
will become.

~nj

~I lead, you follow~

To You:
This conversation helps open the wound so I can heal. Thank you.

To Me:
Yes and are parallel is an awakening, a rebirth, a new earth. And our alignment gave us both what we desired along with what we did not know. And both of them are a beautiful experience. And thought my life situation does not parallel yours, we still have the same connection, and can still share what we have in this life and all other expressions.

And I know you already know it, I have been dating others, and so I share other expressions, and choose. I do not have to hide anything from anyone as what I am currently doing.
With a desire to have friends that are women and men who all share the same tribal setting, and just experience everybody’s talents and experience everybody’s expressions that resonate.

To You:
Your experience and reference of, is very different than mine, and that’s ok. Thank you for being honest 🙂
Fingers crossed, one day the connection will align as it is designed. That’s divine timing I have no desire or ability to know. I’ve given you the lessons you would be open to receive, and I’m very thankful we tackled that one! That lays the groundwork for you to continue how you experience, so you may be referential when divine timing says it’s time for lesson 2 🙂

To Me:
Thanks ma’am.
May I fall as hard as I understand my gift is referential as to what most ain’t, thus my reference gives others a starting point of alignment. So as I sing and my light shines, it becomes offensive to most which is the egotistical pattern that needs to die before we die, if that is the pivotal moment we are on as my pass cross with the universal alignments.
So my happy becomes the Sting to the ego as my light is referential of where I just came from which is the dark. And the dark does not want to be lit up thus becoming offensive to things linear in life.

To You:
I hope one day you’ll have the ears to hear. I’m working on my teaching skills!!!

To Me:
You were not my starting point of alignment

To You:
How do you think your connection to me was helpful in my enlightenment journey?
I know I was not… just a parallel/ you were there before I came out
What were you then?

To Me:
I hurt you/ And it brought up things that you recognized we’re not there prior, so are referencing allowed you to clear out whatever it is you are clearing out, or being emptied, so a fuller than can be more fully present. But only you know your own and what our alignment meant to you.

To You:
You only realized that last night because I told you. Before I told you that, what did you think you were to me

To Me:
Your incorrect on the last..
But if it’s your story “? I cant argue. That’s not my in me now.

To You:
So it was me just thanking you for what you already knew. Ok. I wasnt aware of that 🙂

To Me:
If you recall in the beginning when we hooked up, I believe I was expressing then the same. But I could be wrong. And last night your words were other than, point of perspective, and now blending, it becomes.

To You:
I never was aware that you were aware of by wounding me, I was to heal myself.

To Me:
And the other point of perspective, was just the delivery message. The message has been the same all along

To You:
Im sorry. I dont understand what you mean
What message are you referencing

To Me:
you have been falling upward. I have been falling upward. But parallel we went down somewhere in between the same, and somewhere in the Landing and the mingling in the recognition we both at some point we’re being pulled from Dis-order now through to re-order. Or are you just were ahead of me all along the way, and was allowed to wait for me to experience our alignment.
Or vice versa.

To You:
So you feel we are aligned, that finally we have reached the same level of something?
So one of us either went up or down, to create this point of alignment you are referencing, and now that the point has been reached, we are aligned? It’s ok. We can talk about this another time when the energy is different.
Thank you for shifting the giving energy of the necklace. The energy was shifted to warm and open by the giver, so the receiver accepts it under those terms. I do not wear it to honor anything that was. I could not wear it with that energy. I wear it with the energy under which the giver gave. Perhaps that will allow me to manifest more of the warm and light kind of energy in our connection

To Me:
Yes there will be another time to vocal. The necklace was conducive.

To You:
The Universe Spirit is guiding me to say…of all of the women you have hurt, how many of them have said ‘thank you. You cutting me open, and letting me bleed, allowed me to see a wound I thought wasnt there. And because of the opening, and bleeding, I was given a chance to try and heal.’

To Me:
Yes you are correct. And to answer your question no one yet. You’ll be in the fist to experience my referencing.

To You:
I have no energy bound to you dating or sleeping with other women. I encouraged you to do so, and stated that many times. So you can experience learn and grow. I am not trying to get you to date me, or sleep with me, or do anything with me. You’re freedom allows you to do whatever you want with whoever you want, as does mine. I think you are lovely. I love you muchly. And I allow you the freedom to experience me as you choose. I hope I navigate that choice in a way that is beneficial to you.
I love the energy of being with you in your space
Please let me know when you’re energy is warm and open, and invite me back in.

I love you in a way you dont understand…yet…lol
Sometimes I dont either…lol
Enjoy your foods!!! And your creating cool stuff night! It sounds lovely 🙂

To Me:
As you can historically see recently our reconnection is what it is what it is what it is presently.
Without any titles. And I believe you when you say your words.

To You:
Sending warmest love openness and light 😉
I honor how who why where you choose to experience. Because I honor you. Search until you find what it is you are looking for. Next lesson…lol…kidding…I’d like to share with you more. To help you see and hear. I will no longer teach you unless I’m invited to do so. That keeps the energy warm. Thats how you learn. I love you.
Stay close
Stay warm
Stay open
Stay naked
Stay light.

To Me:
Equal to you.

~Cought You~

Catch me.
If you can
Yes youre the man
With the hat
Imagine that!

Look at
Away from me.
The vanity
Of your Insanity!
Its profanity
Is your humanity!
As you tick tock
Enjoying your cock
While you mock
Other than
Either or
Neither nor
Keeping score?
What for?

The metaphor?
I adore
The mystery?
I explore
As allowed
Outloud
My inner voice
Speaks to you
Your inner voice
Speaks to me
Silently sometimes
violently sometimes
Defiantly sometimes
Righteously sometimes
Delightfully sometimes
Your paradigm shifting
Your masquerade lifting
Your inner being gifting
The witness of
The source above
Expressing how
You experience now
And as I watch
Your tick tock
I come to know
Where you go

Feeling safety
Call me crazy
But what I see
Is what I feel
And in this space
You reveal
And with this grace
I see you kneel
As you are
With your scar
You Open Quietly
You focus entirely
On here and now
Unaware
Of the prayer
I recognized
Mesmerized…
The way you be?
And how you see?
Beautiful
It is
To me.

~nj

~My Peter Pan~

Caress me
With your energy

In its purity

Is security

Shielded?
No

Enter?
Go

I choose.

What if I lose?
Lose what?

Feel your gut.

Knowingly
Flowingly
Open up.

Yes you can.

There is no honor
“trusting no man”
That’s the way
So they say
Of wounded pride
Hidden behind
The tattoos
And “howdy do’s”

To those in whom
You see the room
To find yourself
Its self help.

The way you do?
The residue?
Left over?

Four leaved clover.

Recognized.
Analyzed.
Criticized.
Characterized.

As betrayal
The portrayal
Of me
By me
Had everything of you
Be not a thing about you.

Reflecting
Projecting
Affecting
Respecting…

Unexpecting me
Seeing
Kneeling

In your shadow
I found my shadow
In your light
I found my light.

Preacher man
My Peter Pan
Teach me

BeIsBe.

~Pain~

10:55pm

Well. I’m calling bs on your reasons for being alone…just like I did some of your other things. But time will tell.

10:56pm

I’ve accepted it…being alone.

10:56pm

Just like you accepted your life wouldn’t get better and fell into despair.

10:56pm

Which means I have the freedom…

To follow my own way…

and everyone always celebrates the end result…

That is why I have gained the love…

and respect…

of many people.

And I am blessed. 10:57pm

I view your statement of x = y…

As flawed.

10:58pm

It is just my process…

that people always invalidate and walk away from.

Happens all the time.

Only with CM…

she does not.

I base my x = y…

On my evidence.

It’s all I know.

10:59pm

Just as you based your “things won’t get better” on your evidence…what you know.

10:59pm

I wasn’t following my own process

And “things wouldn’t have gotten better”

Had I continued that way.

It is the understanding and complete faith in my honoring my process…

believing that I’m doing what’s right for ME…

which may make no fucking sense to anyone else but me…

that I crave.

And that is why…

I held on to you for longer than I should have…

because I knew after that point…

I would be walking on my journey alone.

This is how it felt to me.

Not saying this is how it really was.

And for you to honor your own process and path…

I needed to allow you to be free of me.

And it was one one of the most painful experiences in my entire life.

But I let go of you….

because I wanted to honor you…

and I had to begin honoring myself.

And I am only footnotes on the map that guides your path.

Hopefully…

these footnotes may guide you when you feel lost…

and help you find your way back.

I’m not the gps shouting out directions…lol

11:07pm

I never intended to put you in a place to feel responsible to help me get where I want to go. I am deeply sorry for causing you pain.

11:08pm

I never felt responsible for helping you.

Still don’t.

Footnotes are there to read…

only if you feel you need ’em.

And to dismiss if you don’t.

11:09pm

Or make you feel that I wanted to “use you” as a stepping stone

11:09pm

I never ever felt that way

I’m saying…

I simply enjoy talking to you.

11:10pm

FOOTNOTES!

11:10pm

Only perhaps in smaller time chunks.

11:10pm

I was a novice at this ns

And I fucked up

That’s what beginners do

And they learn

11:11pm

Or talking to me…

in more simple terms…

than you preferred at times.

Especially when my “do” began to overtake my “feel.”

11:11pm

Do you ever remember me apologizing for causing you pain?

11:14pm

No. I don’t think you have anythIng to apologize for

11:14pm

I don’t.

For the same reason you don’t either.

11:15pm

• Which is?

11:16pm

If you have the fear of causing the other person pain…

and that is the foundation of how you engage with them…

you are not being authentic towards them…

and not being authentic towards yourself.

Intending pain and fearing causing pain…

are very different.

11:17pm

Hmmm…never heard it put that way.

11:18pm

Why do people stay in relationships…

when they know they are destroying themselves by doing so?

Any relationship…

friendship…

whatever other “ships” you use to label people.

Draining their life source by doing so…

Fucking their soul by doing so…

Why?

Simply because they fear causing the other person pain.

And they are terrified of experiencing pain themselves

Pain is what made me fearless.

11:20pm

Interesting observation.

11:20pm

Pain of hurting others…

and the pain of guilt for doing so.

And what people don’t seem to understand…

Is that the damage from staying in the space where this pain is manifested…

because of the fear of letting go…

is what in the end…

really fucks people up.

And holding on to avoid pain…

is far more painful…

far more damaging..

than just being brave enough…

to that pain creating space go.

I have witnessed this over and over in my own life.

11:23pm

All kinds of situations

11:24pm

You would be correct

11:25pm

And there lies the difference…

between the fearless and the cowards.

11:27pm

Definitely a manifestation of it.

11:28pm

Fearless people face pain…

Cowards run from it.

Or seek self serving revenge…

on those they feel may have caused it.

And these are the hearts that never heal.

11:29pm

Or perhaps it’s as much of a wisdom thing.

Of being able to see…

Beyond what is tomorrow

11:29pm

Revenge doesn’t have to be self serving

Fighting fire with fire never wins.

And sitting in that space of pure agony…

And not numbing the pain or running away…

That space is fucking rawness to the core.

And if you find the courage to sit in this raw space..the courage to feel every fucking horrific painful moment of it…

the process of becoming fearless…

of finding the power of freedom…

that comes with letting go…

begins. Most never experience the joy…

this freedom and fearlessness brings.

And I understand why.

Sitting in this space…

Creates the drug addicts.

Creates the “whores.”

Creates the ability for a sane person to commit murder.

Creates withdrawing from life into personal isolation.

And anything that would cause someone to sit in this space…

Ever, ever, ever again…

Is avoided at all costs.

Yet these people are often not alone.

Because they recruit others to numb the pain for them.

And people who can’t sit in this space with their own pain…

Medicate themselves by taking on the pain that is not their own.

Most people are cowards.

Very few dare to be brave…

And face the fear of…

Pain.

~Attack Me~

Attack me
with
Your anger.
Bite me.
Scratch me.
Wound me.
Deeply.

Cut me
Bleeding.
Sling mudmud
Seething
Release flood
Feeling

Justified.

Expose lies
Of church ties
To lineage
Priveledge
morality
Look at me
I hold the key
eternally
religiously
BeIsBe

Unfortunately
Craving
Fraudulently
Behaving

You can’t see
All of me.
So you stray
Far away
In Temporary
Sanctuary
Hiding
Providing
Storylines
All aligned
With fear
To appear
Not as you are
But as who
You
Choose to be.

~nj

~Your Darkness Is Your Familiar~

Darkness is
Your familiar
The clearer
I see
When it’s
Surrounding thee
For everything
Looks
The
Same
To
Me

Eyes closed
You’re not exposed
Eyes open?
Words unspoken
Creep
Crawl
crack
The wall
Light
Fright
Fuck it
All.

Pick it up
Patch it up
Build it up
Clean it up
Break it up
Wake it up
Fuck it up
Lock it up
Throw it up
Everywhere.

I see walls
Very Differently
Your darkness
Feels sticky
sweet
To Me
I can
Clean you
Crack you
Show you
Soothe you
Heal you
Kill you
Enlighten you
Frighten you
Fight for you
Or I may walk
As you may talk
Not looking back
Except to say
I can slay
Your ignorant way
Snapshot
Hold that thought
Change the plot?
Likely not.
I honor how
Here and now
To your experience
I respectfully bow.

Love now?

You dont know how.

Love later?

Whose the hater?

~nj

~Crosslegged~

She sits
Crosslegged
In the sunshine
Like a sunflower
Leaning
breathing
Absorbing
The warm
Nurturing
Light

She runs
And rides
And skips
Along
Softly
Dancing
Gently
Glancing
In the wonder
Of her light

Blooming
Bright
Looming
The night
She feels
The light
Slipping slowly
Into lonely
Asking why
Is light
A lie?

She sits crosslegged
In the night
Like a sunflower
Closing
Posing
Exposing
The fear
That light
In the night
Wont appear
Perservere?
Yes.
She does.
Crosslegged.
Like a sunflower
In the night.
She stays
until
The light.

~nj

~Changes~

For ages
And ages
I flipped
Through
Pages
Of
Scenes
On
Stages
With
Cages
Of
Changes

Observing
Delusions
Of false
Conclusions
And
Illusions
Of
False
Control

So very
Narrow
Sharp as an
arrow
Letting go
Of the bow
You pierce the flow
Disolving
The
Black
And
The
White
Of control.

Opposition
In your position
Stems from fear
You disappear
In mystery
Because I see
Your energy
Like words on a page
Like roles on a stage
You appear
“I’ve changed!”

Yet…

You seek the power
You climb the tower
Your finest hour
Will be…

Either
ruling blind
Dark Duality?
Or ruling aware
Light Authentically?
Worshippers follow
What may be hollow
Will they swallow?

The answer lies
If no disguise
What you see
You choose
To be.

~nj

~Broken, Not Awoken~

Broken
Awoken
Misspoken
A token
I Pay you
I dare you
Pursue it
view it
Permit it
You Hypocrite
Submit it
You Hypocrite
Depict it
You Hypocrite
Imprint it
You Hypocrite
Addiction
You Hypocrite
Condition
The Recipient
To Acceptance
Your Preference
Is to hide
Inside
Of
Mystery
Seriously?
My knowing
Is showing
Discrepancy
In reality
The storyline
You align
Is not divine!
You undermine!
You voyaristic
Mystic!
You Dualistic
Misfit!
You narcissistic
Hypocrite!

Blatently
Arrogant
Nakedly
Relevant
The masquerade
In your parade
Their accolade
And serenade
Following
Who?
Swallowing
True?

They taste
In haste
The sticky paste
The mask
You wear
With flair
They seek
So unique!
They think..

Yet your words
Are stolen
Your ego
Is swollen
You rule
As the fool
Of following fools

Just as broken
They take your token
Just as blind
They leave behind
Thier own divine
For you to shine
They ask for wisdom
Become a victim
Through
The
Pursue
You accrue
The few
And
What a
waste it is
Of you.

~nj