I have always had the ability to sense and read energy…energy of objects, of locations, of situations, of animals, and most of all of people. Only recently have I come to fully understand what being this way means, and over the past few years, I have come to believe for myself, MY truth, a few things with absolute certainty in regards to this gift (or curse depending on several variables…lol). One being that I sense evil, sense darkness, sense true intention, sense when someone’s actions or outward demeanor and behavior, their words, their voice, their praise, their criticism, their style, are out of sync with their intent, what is behind the mask they wear for the world to see, and how dark their soul appears if that mask were to slip.
I also sense goodness, sense light, sense pure intention, sense when someone’s actions or outward demeanor, and behavior, their words, their voice, their praise, their criticism, their style, are in sync with their intent, what is behind the mask of self doubt, or arrogance, or pride, they wear for the world to see, and how beautiful their soul appears if they allow themselves to be open, vulnerable, and trusting enough for their mask to slip and for the light of their true being to shine through. Many people find the light within them as hard to face as they do the darkness, refusing to see the power of goodness, denying the power of evil, both of which are within them, as they are in every human soul. Many times people will not face who they really are, will not sit with the beauty and the ugliness, will not look upon themselves with compassion, with acceptance, with truth, will not see past the resume of success and failure, which they have created for themselves as a way to justify to themselves and to the world, their worthiness, their value, their importance.
Many times people will not face who who others really are, will not dare uncover the beauty and the ugliness that lies beneath the surface, will not look upon others with compassion, with acceptance, with truth, with understanding, will not see past the resume of success and failure, which a person creates as a way to justify to themselves and to the world, their worthiness, their value, their importance. Sometimes people choose to only see what they don’t like, don’t agree with, don’t want to deal with, and as a result, miss the beauty and goodness that shines in the people they see as different from them. They miss out on what these people may teach them if they are willing to learn, and miss the chance to learn more about themselves through this learning process.
And even more dangerous, and far more common, people refuse to see, refuse to admit, refuse to believe, that evil is hiding beneath even the most convincingly charming of demeanor’s.. Many times people turn away from facing the reality of who they really are, and in doing so, turn away from facing the reality of who others really are. They choose to only see the parts in themselves that they want the world to see in them, and turn to the blind eye of blaming others, of making their misfortunes everyone else’s fault but their own, as they do not want to see the parts in themselves, that they don’t want the world to see in them. They surround themselves with those who never challenge, those who they see as inline with their own moral code, their own beliefs, or they surround themselves with those who challenge just enough, those who are just outside of their own moral code, their own beliefs, which then allows for the seeds of self justification, of self righteousness, of self superiority, to be planted within their hearts and minds, with roots extending far beyond the awareness they choose to accept. From these seeds sprout self validation, self approval, how they define what is right, what is wrong, what is good, what is bad, what is moral, what is just, what is sin, what is beautiful, what is ugly, what is worthwhile, what is waste,what is how it should be, what is how it ought to be, not only for themselves, but for others. They surround themselves with those who create within them a sense of being wanted, a sense of being needed, a sense of being what they cannot be to themselves, a sense of being something to someone, of someone being something to them, and they do this many times by ignoring their own internal voice that whispers, “Beware. Something is off.” So caught up in the ego boost these kinds of people provide for them, something people with action intent evil often do to manipulate people to get what they want, and many times what they crave to be in the eyes of others, is what they cannot be, what they are too afraid to be, to themselves.
Many times people find themselves defined by the roles they play, the roles they allow others to play, without ever knowing what role they would play if the only audience they had to view their performance, was an audience of one, an audience of only themselves. No one to applaud them with approval, no one to boo them with disgust, no one but themselves to offer up a review of their performance. They would be without the false flattery of others, without the judgement for the sake of harm. They would also be without the sincere praise of others, without the judgement for the sake of improvement. How would this change them? How would they judge their own performance? How would they see themselves without relying on everyone around them to do it for them? How many of us could step onto the stage of self reflection, give our performance, play our role, and then humbly, with gratitude, with compassion, with understanding, with love, face this audience of one, and take a bow? Admit it wasn’t perfect, but that we did our best, we carried out each act with the pure intentions of our heart and followed the guidance of our soul. How many of us would applaud ourselves? How many of us would devote our lives to making each performance one that WE could take pride in? How many of us would devote our lives to making each role we played in relation to others, as amazing, as inspiring, as memorable, as the role we play to ourselves? If we were not tied to the outcome, not tied to the gratification and applause of others, would we even see what we had to offer as worth the time?
And how many of us would say to ourselves, why should go to all of that effort? Why should I devote so much of my time and life source? Why should base my life’s performance, on the synchronicity of intent and action? Why should I give the most powerful and memorable performance of my life, the most genuine performance of my life, when the only person sitting in the audience, the only person who will praise me, the only person who will applaud me, the only person who will see me, the only person who will admire me, is me? How will I know I am amazing? How will I know I am wonderful? How will I know I deserve respect? How will “I” know who I really am, how will I know what role “I” really play, how will “I” know who and what “I” am destined to be, if there is no one sitting in the audience to tell me?
And it is my belief, my own personal truth, my own sense of direction, with my compass based on feeling, on intention, on energy, on intuition, the one who walks off stage in the silence of an empty theater, and instead joins the chorus in the roar of a packed house, is perhaps the most cowardly of us all. When we are brave enough to face our deepest darkness, courageous enough to face our deepest fears, open enough to face whatever it is we will find when we take a closer look at who we are, who we were, who we want to be, and who we will be, that is when we become truly free. And with this freedom, comes the freedom to love, the freedom to live, the freedom to laugh, the freedom to cry, the freedom to create, the freedom to find within ourselves, what we had once believed would only be found in the eyes of others. With this freedom comes the gift of seeing others for who THEY are, for through the acceptance of seeing who we really are, our eyes are opened in ways we never would have believed.
Our goodness, our beauty, our power, our purpose, our passion, our darkness, our ugliness, our weakness, our pride, our self destruction, becomes something we own, something that cannot be created, something that cannot be destroyed, something that was always within us, something that will always be within us, something that exists solely because of who we are, who we were, who we want to be, and who we will be…without any validation of its authenticity based upon if others believe it to be good, bad, valuable, worthless, or not. There is nothing more tragic than a life lived for the sake of being all you can be to others, while being less than what you can be to yourself. A life lived without the pure light of your being being realized by YOU, is a life lived without the pure light of your being being realized by anyone else. A life lived without the destructive darkness of your being being realized by YOU, is a life lived without this destructive darkness being realized in anyone else.
When you live an authentic life, you come to sense others who do the same. You come to sense the clarity and the unique vibe their energy creates. You come to feel drawn to be near them, you find their presence in your life something you value. You do not feel the static of their negative energy field, being in competition with the positive static of your own. Instead, you come to see this as your whisper, your inner voice, telling you “Beware. Something is off.” Only this time, you listen. You realize there are people who live their lives with their intention and action in sync, and while they are just as flawed and damaged, as afraid and ashamed as you are, they are beautiful, they are lovely, they are the kind of people who create the magical serendipity of life, the kind of people who change the world just through their existence. You realize there are people who live their lives with their intention and action out of sync, and while they appear as charming, as attractive, as enviable, as intelligent, as successful, as you would hope to be, they are the kind of people who destroy the goodness, steal the innocence, the kind of people who destroy the world just through their existence.
There are the travelers who see life as a game, where there is a winner who reaps the rewards of victory, and a loser who suffers their deserved defeat. There are the travelers who understand life is about the destination, who choose to walk over you, to steal from you, who expect you to carry them when they demand it without ever intending to show the same favor to you. They walk the path alone when they have walked through everyone else, and they smile as they eagerly seek for the next innocent traveler to happen along their way. These are the travelers with a set destination, an expected date of arrival, a map with the route all laid out as to where their path will eventually end up. They will do anything and everything to reach their destination, and will stop at nothing, and I mean nothing, to remove any obstacle they find in their way. They travel this world with the ability to see you for what YOU are to them, to exploit your mistakes, remind you of your failures, remind you of your insecurities, base your worth to them on the quality of your actions…they see your heart, your soul, your light, your dark, and they use you and discard you just the same.
There are also the travelers who understand life is about the journey, about who you choose to walk beside you, to lead you, to follow you, and when you must face the uncertainty of walking your path alone. These are the travelers with no set destination, no date of arrival, no expectation of where their path may lead or eventually end up. They travel this world with the ability to see you for who YOU are, to see beyond your mistakes, see beyond your failures, see beyond your insecurities, see beyond your actions…they see your heart, your soul, your light, your dark, and they love and accept you just the same.
I am so thankful for the many life lessons both kinds of travelers teach me, have taught me, will teach me. By being brave enough to be yourself, by being cowardly enough to not even know who you are, you have made me feel brave enough to be myself, to use my power of intention for goodness, to be fearless in my refusal to accept defeat, and to learn how to beat you at your own game, something I call, The Art of War. Your Good energy has healed me, has inspired me, and has at times, pained me with his depth and the pure essence of its clarity. Your Evil energy has wounded me, has discouraged me, and has at times, pained me with its depth and the pure essence of its evil. Your darkness has made me a fearless warrior, and you fear me because you know I can, and I will, should I choose to, destroy you.
Please know that I do not claim to know you better than you know yourself, or know what is best for you and what is not, or who is right for you and who is not, all I know is what I feel, and what I feel is energy. And while I cannot see it, I cannot touch it, I cannot describe with any sense of certainty how it is experienced by me, by others, or how it is experienced by you, it does exist, it always has, it always will, and those with this gift to understand it, share it with you for you to do do with it what you will. For us, it is the only way to live our own authentic life. May you come to see this has a blessing, an imperfect blessing but a powerful one nonetheless, and may you come to see yourself as I see you, as the beautiful awe inspiring fascinatingly lovely person that you are.