SHOUT OUT! UNIVERSE! YES! YES! I AM TALKING TO” YOU! I have fallen to my knees many, many, times in these last few months, looked up and had myself a heart to heart chat with the Universe. I call it a “shout out”, and our latest chat went something like this… “Ok universe…I really don’t know if I can take this anymore. I know I am an incredibly strong, intelligent, and determined woman, and I am so very, very, thankful for that, but I can only carry so much, and the weight of it all, is really starting to wear me down. It’s not that I am angry and feeling sorry for myself. or that I am expecting someone else to figure this shit out for me, but god dammit. Universe, I need a fucking break! Seriously!!!
How much can one person take? And while I take full responsibility for my choices in life, and realize that I have made some pretty serious mistakes with costly consequences on more than one occasion, I am beginning to think that some cosmic force or universal power, must really have it in for me….bad..like really really bad.
I am not asking for a miracle here, not looking for the easy way out, or for my problems to just magically disappear, but I need “something” to give me some hope that I can do this. I need to be reassured that I will figure this shit out, that things won’t completely fall apart, and that someday I will look back on this time as THE greatest most horrific (but necessary) learning experience of my entire life, and be for what this has taught me, I will be thankful.
But right now I need little encouragement if I am going to make it through this. Actually I need a lot of it. I trust in the process of things, and I am more than willing to wait on the answers that I am searching for, but what I need to remind you of universal cosmic power force or whatever you are….sometimes even I need something to be just be easy, to just work out, to just go right the first time. For once.
Something that just kind of happens.
Something that I don’t have to fight for.
Something that makes me say to myself…
Hey Girl…you will be ok….you survived another day and did a pretty good job of it too.
Take a look around you. Be amazed at all the beauty and the kindness that comes to you when you really need it the most.
Stop for a second and marvel in the magic of it all.
And say thank you.”
And at times like these I am truly grateful. I really am.
These moments are what motivates me to try…and try…and try again.
Well universe…I could really use one of these times right about “now”…like as in today “now”…like as in as soon as I am done having this conversation with you “now”…but hey…no prob if I need to wait a day or two (omg…not really sure if I can actually wait a day or two but this is the freaking universe I am talking to here….so chill out Natalie…chill the Fuck out).
I will surrender to your cosmic magical powers, and trust that…
what I need for for me to make this next step forward…
is always made visible to me.
I will be mindful of timing.
I will practice patience.
And I will be open to whatever or however it should appear.
Thank you for listening.