~Our Last Dance~

December 29, 2013 12:42 AM

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power. Take a closer look. May you find what it is you are searching for, or may you come to realize it was there all along. You just needed to be ready to take closer look.

May you someday see your reflection in me, as I see. Its not about color, or grey scale, or the rock and the butterfly, or defined as anything really…

Its about goodness and ugliness, pain and love, success and failure, power and adversity, weak and strong, happiness and sorrow, laughter and heartache.

Its not about my world vs yours, and whose is most worth living in and whose is not. Its not about who is right and who is wrong, or being too “different” to ever be the “same.”

Its about who WE are. Who WE want to be. Who WE choose to travel with on the journey, and who we do not.

Part of me is holding on to you at any cost, because I can not bare the thought of letting you go. But the other part, the part who loves your soul, your evil and your goodness, your darkness and your light, your failures and your successes, your heart, your mind, your body…loves you…loves all of you…does so, knowing that for now, to love you is to let you go. With trust that the time will come when your life and my life, can find a beautiful balance.

Where colors and grey scale can co-exist in the same space, and complement each other, because color needs grey and grey needs color, or life passes by marked by mediocrity and routine, and we are among those who must always seek adventure.

You will not promise me to come back. I will not promise to be there if you do. But if and when we meet again, I will have then what I cannot offer you now, and you have then, what you cannot at this moment offer me.

What will that look like? How will it be defined? I cannot say.

My disconnection from you will affect you and me both, in ways neither one of us will expect. Not being connected to you, will be one of the most painful experiences of my life. But it will give you freedom. It will give you clarity. It will give you many things. It will give me many of the same. My life needs to change for you to remain in it. Your life needs to change to include me.

What will that look like? How will it be defined? I cannot say.

All I can hope for, all I can believe in, is that someday I will have the chance to know.

I have never disconnected from anyone like this, because I have never had this kind of connection…

so keep that in mind…

…as I try.

I Adore You.

Be free.

~nj~

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