~Relapse Prevention~

Oct 9th 9:19 PM Seattle Time

LISTEN TO ME
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?
WHY THE HELL DO YOU HAVE STILL HAVE PHOTOS OF HER FOR ALL THE WORLD TO SEE?
HAS SHE NOT ALREADY COMPLETELY INVADED AND VIOLATED YOUR LIFE ENOUGH?
OH WAIT.
SHE HASN’T.
SO KEEPING HER PHOTOS,
ESPECIALLY THE ONE THAT HAS ALWAYS BEEN YOUR FAVE.
YOU ARE ON SOME FUCKED UP MARTYR QUEST OF YOURS
MAKING HER THE SHINING EXAMPLE OF WHAT YOUR RELATIONSHIP OF A LIFETIME WILL BE.
AND THE WORLD SEES YOU PRAISING A WOMAN WITH VIRTUE?
AND THIS WOMAN DOES NOT GIVE A FLYING FUCK!
DO YOU NOT HAVE ANY SELF RESPECT FOR YOURSELF?
DO YOU THINK THAT IS THE BEST YOU CAN DO?
AND ARE YOU SERIOUSLY SOMEHOW TRYING TO TELL ME HER PHOTOS ARE JUST A PART OF HOW YOU’RE MOVING ON?
YOU ARE SHOWING THE WORLD YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE A WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT!
AND CELEBRATING IT!
AND FROM MY PERSPECTIVE…
I LOOK AT THAT AND AM LIKE…
WHAT THE FUCK????
DO YOU NOT SEE YOU DESERVE SO MUCH MORE THAN THIS?
THAT YOU ARE AMAZING
AND LOVELY
AND DAMAGED
BY HER.
AND YOU ALLOW IT TO CONTINUE
YOU REFUSE TO LET GO
AND WHAT PISSES ME OF THE MOST
IS THAT I FEEL YOU ARE HOLDING ON TO WHAT YOU SEE AS THE BEST TWO YEARS OF YOUR LIFE.
YOUR BEST TWO YEARS WERE SHIT…
COMPARED TO HOW AMAZING THE NEXT TWO COULD BE
AND THE NEXT TWO AFTER THAT.
OHH..BUT WAIT

DO I NEED TO CALL HER AND ASK HER TO CALL YOU
AND GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO LET GO AND MOVE ON?
IS SHE THE ONE WHO GETS TO DECIDE HOW LONG YOU REMAIN BITTER, UNLOVABLE, AND ALONE?
AND IS SHE THE ONE WHO GETS TO PLAY THE LEADING ROLE IN YOUR LOVE STORY?
REALLY?
FUCK HER!
FUCK YOU!
SHE DOES NOT GIVE A FUCK!
AND SHE USED YOU.
AND SHE HURT YOU
AND SHE BETRAYED YOU
AND SHE DESTROYED HOPE IN YOU
AND YOU ALLOW THIS TO CONTINUE!
AND THIS IS WHAT LOVE IS TO YOU?
THIS IS WHAT YOU’RE HOLDING ON TO?
THIS IS WHO GETS TO TAKE UP THE BEST  YEARS OF YOUR LIFE?
THIS IS WHAT YOU ALLOW TO CONTINUE?
I SEE AN AMAZING MAN
I SEE A MAN WHO HAS SO MUCH LOVE TO GIVE.
TO THE WORLD.
AND TO THE MISFITS
AND TO THE WEAK
AND TO A WOMAN
WHO WILL LOVE HIM BACK
AND I AM NOT SAYING THAT IS ME
SO HOLD ON AND CHILL THE FUCK OUT
YOU HAVE CHANGED ME
YOU HAVE GIVEN ME MORE THAN ANY MAN.MORE THAN MOST HUMAN BEINGS IN GENERAL…HAVE GIVEN ME IN A LIFETIME
YOU FASCINATE ME
YOU ARE SMART
AND I LOVE HOW YOU THINK
AND HOW DIFFERENT YOU ARE
THAN ME.

AND WHAT I NEED YOU TO KNOW…
IF THERE IS ONE THING I CAN GET INTO YOUR LOGICAL
BLACK AND WHITE CAUSE AND EFFECT HEAD
IT IS THIS

You are worthy of more.
Of so much more
And I know you have a whole lot of shit
that your heart still needs to work out
And I know that you are not ready to open yourself up that way

and you are afraid
because you feel so guilty and conflicted
about letting her go
and leaving the best two years behind
and you were really hoping that she would give you the “ok move on I got a new one” Excuse for you to do so. Sorry…she won’t.
   and I am telling you this because it’s true
   when you decide to move on from her,
   from the pain
from the betrayal

and allow someone worthy of you to fill this space instead

only this time
the woman you give
your heart
your soul
your loyalty
your life
your body
your mind
will give you all of that back.

And say “I will fight to the death because I love you that much”

And mean every word of it
and when you introduce thay woman to your world
you should be and will be proud

love is about respect
love is about making the other person want to be better for themselves
not pretending to just to string your heart along

and I believe that you can have this
your connection with me and your willingness
to take some pretty crazy risks and not run away…
which you fight…

how you are open to allowing me to wade in your grey
with some pretty fucking bold ass colors
shows me
that you can have so much more than what that photo of her
represents

and whoever you love
and whoever you kiss
and whoever you touch
whoever you choose to finally
be worthy enough to give love just one more chance

how incredibly blessed she will be.
and you deserve that
and so will she.

and I wanted you to know that
because I see colors
and I see sparkly white
in all that black and white and grey
and I hope you get to see what I see someday

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