~Light~

Fall into it
Change color
Discover
A different way
To say
The light
Is my way.

~nj

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~My Kind Of Love~

My kind of love
Loves you
As a human being

As a man
As a father
As a son

As a partner
As an equal
As a lover
As a friend
As a foe

As a sinner
As a saint
As an artist
As an Ego

In your darkness
And in your light.
My kind of love
Loves you.

As aware
As you are
As aware
As you are not.

I love.
It.
All.

I love
Apart
From
Anything
You
Love

Or
Hate

Or
doubt

Or
Believe

Or think…

About me.

Good
Or
Bad

Right
Or
Wrong

Either
Or

True
Or
False

Dark
Or
Light

None
of
It.

None
of
Any
of
It

Sways
Me to
Love you…

Any
Differently
Or
Any less.

I
Go
With the
Flow
Of you
Swinging up

I
Go
With the
Flow
Of you
Coming
Down.

I love
Your
Ebb
And
Flow.

So when
I know
It is time
to go
I kiss
your hand
My lost
blind man
And send you
on your way

With love and light
I fought your fight

With love
My love

Your Idigo.

Universally Yours,
Nj

~Moments~

    September 26, 2013

    10:43pm

    I felt like you stopped believing in me.

    And told me that, because it was

    what you knew I needed to hear.

    And I think feeling like the one person

    that I really believed believed in me…

    no longer did…

    planted the seed

    of my own

    failure

    in my head.

    It’s how I felt…

    not how you wanted me to feel.

    I don’t think you realized

    what would have helped

    and what would not.

    My life as it is now…

    took a long time to come to light.

    I KNEW something was out there….

    but proof of that would never be seen by you.

    never be seen by you.

    And my process of getting there…

    The process of getting to “THIS” moment…

    “THIS” moment…

    would be viewed as invalid.

    And was.

    And once again…

    like I always do…

    I held on to believing in myself….

    Having faith in myself…

    Trusting myself…

    because no one else did.

    I honored my own process…

    Instead of following

    how others thought

    that process should go.

    You seem to believe

    there is a difference between

    believing in someone…

    and believing in their process.

    For me there is no difference

    My process is what createsthis moment.

    createsthis moment.

    My process is why I am alone.

    And why being alone…

    is a price I’m willing to pay.

    Everyone walks out of my life

    when I honor my own path.

    Well almost everyone.

    And yet honoring my own path…

    always gets me where I need to go.

      10:54pm

      Difference?

      Difference of believing IN someone…

      and agreeing or believing…

      that they are doing the right thing at the moment.

      right thing at the moment.
      10:55pm

      When you TRULY believe in someone…

      in someone…

      you understand the relevance of their moments.

      relevance of their moments.

      Honoring your own process…

      is all about moments.


      Continue reading

      ~Rivers~

      Two rivers
      Mutate
      Consummate
      Emerging
      as one
      Beginning
      as two
      Gypsy soul
      Migrates
      Nomad
      Hesitates
      High And low
      Ebb And flow
      Rhythmic
      We are
      Here we go

      Her eyes
      Watching
      His eyes
      Haunting
      Her soul
      Wanting
      His soul
      Taunting
      Who stands
      In front?
      Who stands
      In back?
      Who said it
      Mattered?
      Fuck all that.

      Rivers meet
      Two is one
      Come undone
      Strip naked
      Empty out
      Open up
      Walkabout
      Who decides
      Who watches who
      Do you see her
      Does she see you
      Awareness comes
      When eyes are one
      In the now
      We allow
      For two
      To flow
      As one.

      ~nj

      ~Disconnection~

      Sun Dec. 29th 3am

      For this to happen, we must both abide by these rules. Trust me…it can be done no other way. We cannot email each other. We cannot call each other. We cannot text each other. We cannot message each other, unless…either one of us is willing to take whatever is on the other end.

      Do not check up on me. Do not ask how I am. Do not ask how my day was. Do not send me quotes. I will do the same for you. I am leaving open the option of letters. I am not planning on writing any at the moment, but may. They are usually more well thought out.

      Do not write me a goodbye. Do not write me to reminisce. Do not write me to announce a lover. Do not write me to lessen my pain. Do not write me to say what I taught you. Do not thank me. Do not write anything at all unless, you are willing to take what is on the other end. I will do the same for you.

      Do not define me as your friend. Do not define any relationship between you and me. Do not define me at all. I will do the same for you. Do not come to me because you need me. Do not return to me because you are lonely, or want me to emotionally process the shit you don’t understand in your life…Unless you are willing to take whatever is on the other end.

      Unless you really, really, really, need me, and understand the cost of what needing me means. I will do the same for you. Do not ask for my gift. Do not ask for my mind. Do not ask for me to release you. Do not ask for my forgiveness. Do not ask me to accept who I am to you.Do not ask me to accept who I am not to you. Do not ask me to accept anything at all. I will do the same for you.

      Do not warn me. Do not preach to me. Do not condemn me. Do not praise me. Do not hate me. Do not judge me. Do not blame me. I will do the same for you.

      Do not seek ways to gain power over me. Do not seek to discredit me. Do not seek comfort from me. Do not seek friendship from me. Do not seek your connection to me. Do not seek to hurt me. Do not seek to protect me. I will do the same for you.

      Do not lie to me. Do not hide from me. Do not disrespect me. Do not feel sorry for me. Do not feel proud of me. I will do the same for you.

      Do not use me. Do not think for me. Do not speak for me. Do not feel for me. Do not act for me. Do not choose for me. Do not fight for me. I will do the same for you.

      Learn to live without me. Learn to be without me. Learn to think without me. Learn to choose without me. Learn to give without me.Learn to understand without me. Learn to love yourself without me. I will do the same for you.

      If life without me becomes more of a burden than life with me…If love without me becomes more of a burden than love with me…If pain without me becomes more of a burden than pain with me…If joy without me becomes more of a burden than joy with me…If your journey without me becomes more of a burden than your journey with me…Be brave and show me. I will do the same for you.

      I have never lost like this before. I have never let go like this before. I have never trusted like this before. I have never given like this before. I have never taken like this before. I have never loved like this before. I have never longed like this before. I have never believed like this before. I have never hurt like this before. I have never known what I now know. I have never seen as I now see. I have never felt how I now feel, and I am afraid.

      You are worthy of my fear. Be truly brave for once in your life, and show me. I have no idea what I am doing here. I do not know what this will feel like to me. I do not know what this will be, or when it will be what it is to be, or if it is to be. I do not know what it is, what it was, or what it could be. I do not know a timeline. I do not know a way. I do not know a how. I do not know anything at all, other than I want you to become who you were meant to be, who The Universe meant you to be.

      Make the freedom I am giving you a gift. Learn from it. Grow from it. Become who you are from it, with me, or without me.

      Be free. I want for you what you want for yourself. I want for you even more, what The Universe wants for you.

      Thank you for this gift of connection. In many ways it has healed me.You have given me far more than you will ever know.You are among the most amazing human beings that I have ever known.

      May you come to believe in this for yourself someday. Who knows when and where our, and your adventure of connection with me will end.

      Always remember this…

      I see who you are, I know who you are, and I will always know this. I have always seen who you were, who you are, who you want to be, and who you have the capability to become. You are beautiful to me, and you are flawed to me. You are not as

      And years ago, I would have been angry at you, I would have blamed you, I would have pulled out the classified files you willingly gave me in the filing cabinet of my mind, and destroyed you. And I could destroy you, you know I could, yet I choose not to destroy you, and that is the difference between you and me.

      No one will ever gain access to the confidential information, in those confidential files, that you gave me, and out of respect, I have filed away forever in the filing cabinet in my head. And what is happening now, has 90% to do with you, and 10% to do with me.

      created on your behalf over the years, in the filing cabinet of my mind, and destroyed you. Why? Because you are angry at me, you are blaming me, and you are not brave enough to realize, that this has 90% to do with you, and 10% to do with me.

      It is so hard to have to let that go. Fuck!I hope its not forever.Life isn’t the same without you.I am blessed you shared your life with mine.I love you.Be free.Be happy ns. Do good things. Be a warrior. If I can help you, if you need me, be mindful of what you are asking. For if you ask, I will trust that you understand what asking me means. I would do anything for you.I will ask of you in the same way.I don’t want this email to be over…I will try my best.Get my life back. You do the same.Be brave.

      ~nj~

      Be brave.

      ~nj~

      Sun Dec. 29th 120pm

      I still need to process this. The two things I know. Are that no matter how dark your path gets. I have seen you for who you are. And you are the only one who bears the power of self destruction. Live … live for your son. Live for those who need you … who will need you. Live for the day when the times of struggle will make the pleasures deeper.The rock I gave you was not a gift from me. It represents what I felt had been given to me by the creation. Indirectly the creator. Never think of it as a gift from me. But a gift from the mountains. The creation.My emotions are not normal. But know that if I can ever do more harm than good. If you ever feel that. I am here.▶ Show quoted text

      Girls Like Me

      Stay away
      from girls like me
      From love like me
      From minds like me
      From souls like me
      Our intensity
      Feeds your propensity
      To crave our empathy
      While destroying our identity
      Clouding our clarity
      Mocking our discrepancy
      Exploiting our chemistry
      Ruining our serenity
      Sucking in our ecstasy
      Disrespecting our destiny
      Telling us we need therapy
      For worldy priorities especially
      We will “get it” eventually
      If we’d swallow your remedy
      If we’d cure our tendency
      If we’d lose our affinity
      If we’d ignore our legacy
      And focus on our posterity
      instead of on our charity
      And why we love our enemy
      You give us your world recipe
      Threatening our sanity
      Killing our reality
      In the name of your morality
      You cause the greatest tragegy
      Create the deepest agony
      And you have the audacity
      To convince yourself of the fallacy
      That girls like me
      Who love like me
      Girls like me
      With minds like me
      Girls like me
      With souls like me
      Actcually…
      We dont need boys
      like you

      ~Radio Tower Stories~

      It’s like I’m a radio tower, standing tall in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by dust, and sagebrush, and tumbleweeds. It’s like they are behind the wheel of an old truck, paying more attention to turning the CB radio dial trying to find a signal, than to staying within the dusty borders of a seldom traveled road. Then suddenly, after what seems like countless hours of roaming from one end of the dial to the other, a signal with a voice saying “Hello…”, comes through loud and clear. You pick up your radio receiver, feeling relieved, ecstatic, and nervous all at the same time, and you speak “Can you hear me? Is there anybody there?” Yet you don’t wait to receive a response. There is no need to. You pause, and then you begin to tell me your story, vonnecting to signal, knowing you are being listened to.